So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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