dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
