And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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