I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
