wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
