if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
