Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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