Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
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