I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
