If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Randomize
