she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
ttyl tear gas
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
