Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
