The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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