I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
