took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I love having hate sex.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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