Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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