I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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