Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
