At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
