did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
my sisters under your porch take her home
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
