Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
