it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
3pm strippers are depressing
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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