why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize