im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
