I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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