Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
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I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
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Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
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