did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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