i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
