you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
