I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
It's never too late to be topless.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
