Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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