Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
