I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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