Its about making memories worth repressing
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
