Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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