Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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