Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
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