I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
