shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
