I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
