The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
