Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
