Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
two words...techno handjob
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
