my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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