so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
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