I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
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