he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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