So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
