Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
