My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
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