dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Randomize
