I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize