If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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