TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
