No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
