i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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