too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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