i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
