One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
